Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Numbers to Happiness

WARNING: if you suffer from any type of disordered eating this post might be triggering, as it mentions issues surrounding ideal weight and weight loss.
Historically speaking, as the new begins I set a weight loss goal. Well, this year I am setting a new kinds of goal, that is more nebulously related to my weight, but with a  positive twist.

2011 is going to be about finding my happy weight. 2011 is going to be about creating my own plan.

My life up till this point has been about reaching a number, a weight.  Depending on my weight at the time, my goal weight has changed, but in the back of my mind I always wanted to return to my lowest weight, which is 137.


My lowest weight is this constant thought in the back of my mind. I always have this voice telling me that I need to reach that number again. It feels like there is something magical about it. Somewhere deep inside me, I believe that reaching that number will solve all my problems in life. I will be filled with confidence, self love, and happiness.

This makes no sense. When I was 137 I was probably less happy then I am now. I feel pretty good now, do I even need to lose weight? Medically speaking, I would be at lower risk for certain negative health outcomes if I was within in my healthy weight range, but still, maybe this is the best weight for me.


There is plenty of research on what is the “healthiest” weight for a person to be at, but like with other health choices, you have to weigh the pros and cons. If I am going to be unhappy living the lifestyle needed to remain within the “healthy” range is it worth the decreased risk? Is it worth it to live a lifestyle to increases my risk for negative outcomes, if the increase risk is slight, maybe even negligible?

This discussion will continue, but for now back to my goals!

My challenge is to find my happy weight and the healthy happy lifestyle that goes along with it.

For so long I felt that my focus should be reaching that number. For so long I felt that the problem was that I couldn’t follow my exercise routines and diets close enough. I was the problem, and the ultimate end goal was a number. Maybe the problem was that my routines and plans were unrealistic for me. Maybe using weight as a goal isn’t what’s best for me. Maybe I stop try something new.

My new plan is to find balance. I know what it takes to be healthy and take care of myself. I am going to try to let go of arbitrary markers of “good health” or an ideal figure go. This is going to be hard for me, and I still have so much to say on this topic, but this is where I am going to live it for now.
I look forward to sharing more as my journey continues.

Oh, and I want to run a marathon this year, but we will talk about that later too!

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