Being an adult

Lately I have been trying to find comfort or acceptance during times of transition. I think that is a valid goal, and that patience is a skill worth learning.

But …

I start to wonder, will life ever feel more complete? I guess, what does that even mean?

I went to school, with the hopes of a pretty traditional future: school, work, family (I know the patriarchy, exclusive/flawed family values, but that is not the point here). In theory I could have graduated from school, found a job, did some type of 9-5 thing, had free time, and started a family.

Now, a lot of those pieces are there. I have a degree, like 1.85 as of now. I choose a career I am passionate about, and find incredibly reward. I met and fell in love with my amazing partner. The love was mutual, and we are engaged.

All the pieces were there, but I still feel like I am waiting.

I am almost done with school, but not quite. I am engaged, but am no where near a wedding, and the whole thing is still really over whelming. I have a job in the field I studied and that I love, but it is part time and temporary.

I am living in the training wheels of adulthood.

I don’t regret any of the decisions I have made about school, work, or love. While surely this post sounds on the “woe as me” side, I really am fortunate for all I have. In all that I do, I give my all and follow my heart, and that has brought me so many amazing things in life (oh, and I have massive amounts of privilege, but again, a different post).

During the journey, sometimes you just wish all the pieces would come together. When the future is fuzzy, it is hard to remain faithful and motivated.

In the end though, I continue to let my passion, dreams, and skills lead me. I have no idea when I will even set the date for my wedding, let alone the actual date of said event. I have no idea how I will be earning money in three months.

This is one of the times I tell myself to, buck up cupcake, and get to work. I try to stay focused and on point. In the end though, it is still always a little scary.

Oh my god, I feel like I will continually write this post throughout my life. Consider this time 1.

2010: Time for learning, time for change

2010 has been a CRAZY year for me. Lets take a look back …

(source)

Basically January till July I was exhausted from school and teaching group exercise. July till September I lost hope in my dreams of working in reproductive health advocacy. September through November my passion for advocacy was rejuvenated, but I was exhausted from the election, school, and being away from Kevin. November till now was all about wrapping up the loose ends.

At the beginning of the school year I had to make some difficult decisions. I had to decide to leave Columbus sooner than I originally planned. I had to quit my job, and begin trying to find something new. I was scared. I knew my way around Columbus, I had a job there, I had school, volunteer positions, and friends. In the end I had to decide what was important to me, and in the end decided the “easier” choice wasn’t the “happy” choice for me.

I hope to write a post about my experience with weight watchers and weight loss this past year. This was another point where I had to make a decision between what I was comfortable with, and what would actually make me happy.

I also will write a post on my engagement experience. It was an interesting transition going from girlfriend to fiancé, and it taught me a lot about myself, about my partner and my beliefs about relationships.

A lot of these experiences taught me to follow my heart and do what is best for me, no matter my own expectations.

Some of my good fortune this year was luck. Getting my job was part luck, but it was part me too. I can’t control what jobs are out there, but I can control my background of experiences, and the connections I have. I think if you work hard, the luck/being in the right place at the right time all comes together.

Also I had to take risks this year, I had to do something with out being certain what would happen. I am a girl who likes to plan, so doing something with out a plan scares me to DEATH, but I took a chance and everything turned out great.

In the end, I am so happy. I really do feel like the girl who has it all. While there are new challenges ahead, I just want to take this moment to feel completely and utterly thankful for all that I have in my life, and the amazing journey I have taken the past year to get here.

2011, here I come!