Letting go of Ashley the "Skinny Bride"

So are you still training for that race? 

No, I am no longer on the training plan I mentioned before. I stopped because I felt pressured to spend my fitness time in a more "productive" way. I started doing HIIT (high intensity interval training) workouts, specifically Insanity. After a few weeks I stopped my Insanity workouts, and am now back on a running plan. 

If I didn't like HIIT and Insanity, why did I do it in the first place? 

This really is the tip of a much bigger iceberg in my journey of body acceptance. I felt I needed to do HIIT because these workouts are the fastest way to build muscle mass and lose body fat. If you are unaware, there is a really big day coming up in my life in which over a hundred people will all be staring at me. I felt pressured to "look my best" which pressured me to do workouts I don't like, and diet, which I don't want to do anymore. 

Well, I am officially done. Consider this a public service announcement on all issues of my body and my wedding. 

I, Ashley Thompson, am officially giving up my since childhood fantasy of being a skinny bride. Many girls have their dress, colors or flowers picked out for their wedding long before they have a ring on their finger. The only thing I dreamed about was being a skinny bride. I used to think marriage was a milestone that represented that your life was coming together. You were growing up, starting a new chapter of your life, and had a least some of your shit figured out. I thought that once I grew up, and had my shit figured out I would magically be thin, too. Now I realize that the together-ness of my life has nothing to do with the size of my body. Finally I feel ready to give up fantasizing about being something I am not, and learning to nourish and love what I am, body included. 

If this isn't what having your life together looks like, I don't know does. 

Compared to my current weight, I have weighed more, and I have weighed less. I have spent LITERALLY  spent the last decade of my short life dieting. For once in my life I am going to make a commitment to myself to nourish and take care of my body and love it, not matter what shape it may be. 

For friends and family who think commenting about my weight, or my exercise/eating habits is appropriate - stop. 

It has, and will always, negatively impact my ability to accept my body. Talking about my body does not motivate me to lose weight or improve my health. If anything it fuels self destructive behaviors. Trust me, I literally have a degree in health behavior, if there was a magically way to make people lose weight, I would have heard about it. Also weight loss is not the same as improved health. I am continuing my commitment to improve my health, I am just no longer using the amount of weight I can lose as my measure for success in this endeavor. In my attempts to lose weight I have picked up some healthy behaviors and some destructive behaviors.

All in all, I do have my shit figured out, it just looks different than I thought it would when I was younger. 

I have a job that I love, I spend my time reading about issues I care about, I have an amazing fiance that I am excited to start a family with, and I have my whole life ahead of me. I have yet to figure out the how-to-eat-without-dieting thing, but I am working on it. I do know that being obsessed with my weight has not improved my physical health and definitely has negatively impacted my mental health.


I do know trying to lose 30 pounds before my wedding will not help improve my ability to accept my body or improve my health. 

In case you are still a little confused, here is a recap: 

• No, I am not dieting for my wedding. 
• Yes, my body could change, but that is part of my current journey to find a weight I can maintain without dieting. 
• No, you are never allowed to comment on my body or my physical activity/eating habits, even if you think what you are saying is a compliment. It is not a compliment, by the way. 
• Yes, health promotion is still an important aspect of my personal and professional life. I have just learned that promoting health looks different than I originally thought and a healthy me might look different than I originally though. 
• No, I have not yet learned how to eat without dieting, and accept my body, but I do now those two goals are what will lead to improved health, and happiness in my life - not dieting/weight loss. 

Phew, that feels good to get off my chest! 

Pre-pre-training plan!

Girl has to start somewhere – and somewhere for me is the pre-pre-training plan! I went a little crazy one morning and cranked out a training plan! Here is the first 11 weeks of training that will prepare me for a half marathon training plan.

Week	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	Sun
1	Stretch  Strengthen	1.5 m run	1 m run or cross	1.5 m run + strength	Rest	20 min cross	1.5 m run
2	Stretch Strengthen	1.5 m run	1 m run or cross	1.5 m run + strength	Rest	20 min cross	2 m run
3	Stretch Strengthen	1.5 m run	1.5 m run or cross	2 m run + strength	Rest	20 min cross	2 m run
4	Stretch  Strengthen	2 m run	1.5 m run or cross	2 m run + strength	Rest	20 min cross	2 m run
5	Stretch  Strengthen	2 m run	1.5 m run or cross	2 m run + strength	Rest	25 min cross	3 m run
6	Stretch  Strengthen	2 m run	2 m run or cross	2.5 m run + strength	Rest	25 min cross	3 m run
7	Stretch  Strengthen	2.5 m run	2 m run or cross	2.5 m run + strength	Rest	25 min cross	3 m run
8	Stretch Strengthen	2.5 m run	2 m run or cross	2.5 m run + strength	Rest	25 min cross	3.5 m run
9	Stretch  Strengthen	2.5 m run	2 m run or cross	3 m run + strength	Rest	30 min cross	3.5 m run
10	Stretch  Strengthen	3 m run	2 m run or cross	3 m run + strength	Rest	30 min cross	3.5 m run
11	Stretch  Strengthen	3 m run	2 m run or cross	3 m run + strength	Rest	30 min cross	4 m run

Very exciting, huh? This is adapted from Hal Higdon's plans. If you are a runner, I am sure you know of Hal! Hell, if you even thought about running enough to google couch to 5k, you probably know Hal!


Anyways, I thought a new running blog project would fun to track my training progress. You might be wondering – Ashley – what are you training for?


When I put together my plan I had a half and full marathon in mind. I now realize I have another commitment the day of the full I planned, so I am going to have to go back to the drawing board on that one. Regardless, the half I had planned is the Rite Aide Cleveland Half Marathon. I had done this distance before, I live in Cleveland, and I need a new fitness goal – low and behold my decision to train for this race. Simple, no?


Anyways, I thought it would be fun to recap on my training. Here is week one!

WEEK ONE: getting into the groove!

Monday – Stretch and strength
Wasn’t sure what to do, so basically layed aorund my floor stretching things out. I realized stretch and strength is code for yoga, which I plan to do from now on on these days.


Tuesday – 1.5 mi
Just a usual run, and it felt pretty good! This was my first run from work, and shower at work. I think I was more excited about the shower than the run.


Wednesday – 20 min kickboxing
… or in other words, searching clips of turbokick on YouTube and jumping around my office. Standard cross training.


Thursday – rest
Nuff said.


Friday – 1.5 mi run and DANCING
Felt good to get out and move on my run. I really got my workout that night at the halloween dance. I have the blisters to prove it.


Saturday – 30 minute elliptical and weights
Food network and weights more like it.


Sunday – 1.5 mi run
This was my easiest feeling 1.5 miler yet! I am excited to bring it up to 2 miles next week!

Out of my hands, off my shoulders

My biggest ah-ha moments tend to be after/during exercise. Maybe it is the lack of oxygen to my brain or something, but for whatever reason, when my body starts moving, so do the gear upstairs.

Point being – had an ah-ha moment today while working out. I started my evening with a little ashley-robics. I hope you don’t think I just made Ashley-robics up. They are in fact real, and I do them quite often.
Anyways, after jumping around my room for a little while I decided to cool down outside and headed outside for a walk. It rained a lot today, so everything looked glassy, with a blue and black tint. Kind of like in those film noir movies, when you see the lead character walking down the street alone at night.
In that moment, while walking around feeling my heartbeat slow down, I appreciated that while my exercise method of unconventional, it was effective. This made me think about another forms of exercise I love – running.
I love running, but there is something deeply competitive about it. Each time I set out for a run I am hoping it will be “good.” I guess good means fast, and pain free. A lot of runs aren’t good. My chest feels tight, my feet hurt, or something else in my body isn’t working right. In all of this I feel guilty.
I guess I never realized I felt guilty about my bad runs. This guilt comes from the fact I have a strong belief that I have control over my life. If I study hard, I will get a good grade. If I work hard, I will be able to find a job. If I treat my partner well, our relationship will work. This is all rather “pull yourself up from your boot straps-y” for someone as progressive as I am! I guess I allow other people to have flaws, but not myself.
Anyways, in that moment I realized, Ashley, you aren’t always in control, and therefore, you aren’t always to blame for mishaps.
For some people this revelations might feel like, well duh, but for me its huge. I have spent far too long worrying about what I did wrong. Somethings are out of my control, and all I can do is my best.
Maybe that pill I easier for other to swallow, but for me, it took an post-dancing sweaty haze to get it. A little Adele in the background helped too.

Ashley-robics

Hello fitness fans! I give you the new revolution in fitness. Ashley-robics! Just follow the easy steps below.

1. Clear the room! Move all of your stuff out of the way. You are going to need a lot of space. Dopey face optional.

2. Literally google “top 40 music.” As you can see by the purple links, I do this often.

3. Click the songs you love. Start with Britney – you should always start with Britney, duh.

4. Dance. No, don’t dance, just MOVE. Move your arms, move and legs and just pump it! You will find on occasion your rhythmic pumping actually looks cool. Most of the time it just looks crazy. This is why we do this at home, and alone. I could seriously look at that last picture all day, so funny!

5. Take a break! You have been going hard! Catch your breath. Please note sweat, the program is working.

6. Time to cool it down. Start by switching up the music source to Pandora. Make a “Rolling in the Deep” channel and play.

*Please note I have channels called “boy band bitch” and also “material girl.”

7. Turn down the lights, take slow breaths and stretch it out. This is the relaxation phase. Focus on where you are feeling tight and stretch. Mmmm… stretch. I am a fan of the slow moving dark room combination.

There you have it folks! A full workout with no gym, no equipment, no exercise instructors and no money. All it takes is a little sense of humor and good music. Oh, and internet… and Britney Spears. Again, always start with Britney Spears.

Chowey, sweat-ily signing off!