What I Learned from the Races I Didn't Run

I am a runner. I like the feeling after a run, I like making training plans, and I like racing. This passion has not translated into completed races in quite some time. To get this post started let me recount some recent races I did not run.

Columbus Half Marathon - April 2010 

I hoped this would be my second half marathon and precursor to the full marathon in October. I ran more miles during this training bout than during my first, with a long run of 11 miles. At the time I had just started a research position at Ohio State. One of our community partners was hosting an event the same day as the race. I felt I should go to the community event instead. 

Cleveland Full Marathon - May 2011 

During the spring of 2011 I went through a lot of transitions. School to work, one job to another job and then to another. When I first arrived in December I had quite a lot of free time on my hands. Slowly my time was consumed by my graduate project, work, and various advocacy projects I was working on. I made it to a 13 mile long run, and again threw in the towel on marathon training. This time I threw in the towel to exercise completely. 

So now that you learned the stories of my "failed" races, here is what I learned from them ... 

There will be many more races. 

Training for a race causes me to fixate on a date. I focus on working hard some I can be successful on this specific day. When that date passes and I didn't complete my goal, I feel disappointing and empty. Then the sun rises the next day, I do a bit of googling and realize there are many more races to come, and much more time in my life to train for them. I am young, and I have many more opportunities to race. 

Its not you, its timing. 

Life is long, and growing up has many hurdles. Last year for me my hurdles included finishing school and finding a job. The year before that it was focusing on my research position.  I set my priorities and running just fell too far down the list. Sometimes even things I love need to be put further down the list. 

On another note, I believe you make time for what is important to you. If running is important to me, I need to choose to do less or certain things (advocacy work perhaps) and make room for running. To me, that means making a commitment to yourself, and activities that bring joy to your life and satisfaction.

You grew as a runner from the training, even without the race. 

The worst part about deciding to not run a race is the frustration you feel from putting in all the work and training "for nothing." Well, it isn't for nothing. Ilearned some much from both of my "failed" training attempts. I learned more about how my body responds to distance running. I learned how to effectively fuel, hydrate, and create training plans. I became more comfortable with double digit runs. Just because I didn't complete the races, I still progressed along my journey as a runner. 

Where to from here? 

Today I registered for two races, the Cleveland Half Marathon and Canton Half Marathon. As I continue to train and race I will bring with me the wisdom I learned from races in which I proudly crossed the finish line, and races I didn't even make it to the starting line. 

Letting go of Ashley the "Skinny Bride"

So are you still training for that race? 

No, I am no longer on the training plan I mentioned before. I stopped because I felt pressured to spend my fitness time in a more "productive" way. I started doing HIIT (high intensity interval training) workouts, specifically Insanity. After a few weeks I stopped my Insanity workouts, and am now back on a running plan. 

If I didn't like HIIT and Insanity, why did I do it in the first place? 

This really is the tip of a much bigger iceberg in my journey of body acceptance. I felt I needed to do HIIT because these workouts are the fastest way to build muscle mass and lose body fat. If you are unaware, there is a really big day coming up in my life in which over a hundred people will all be staring at me. I felt pressured to "look my best" which pressured me to do workouts I don't like, and diet, which I don't want to do anymore. 

Well, I am officially done. Consider this a public service announcement on all issues of my body and my wedding. 

I, Ashley Thompson, am officially giving up my since childhood fantasy of being a skinny bride. Many girls have their dress, colors or flowers picked out for their wedding long before they have a ring on their finger. The only thing I dreamed about was being a skinny bride. I used to think marriage was a milestone that represented that your life was coming together. You were growing up, starting a new chapter of your life, and had a least some of your shit figured out. I thought that once I grew up, and had my shit figured out I would magically be thin, too. Now I realize that the together-ness of my life has nothing to do with the size of my body. Finally I feel ready to give up fantasizing about being something I am not, and learning to nourish and love what I am, body included. 

If this isn't what having your life together looks like, I don't know does. 

Compared to my current weight, I have weighed more, and I have weighed less. I have spent LITERALLY  spent the last decade of my short life dieting. For once in my life I am going to make a commitment to myself to nourish and take care of my body and love it, not matter what shape it may be. 

For friends and family who think commenting about my weight, or my exercise/eating habits is appropriate - stop. 

It has, and will always, negatively impact my ability to accept my body. Talking about my body does not motivate me to lose weight or improve my health. If anything it fuels self destructive behaviors. Trust me, I literally have a degree in health behavior, if there was a magically way to make people lose weight, I would have heard about it. Also weight loss is not the same as improved health. I am continuing my commitment to improve my health, I am just no longer using the amount of weight I can lose as my measure for success in this endeavor. In my attempts to lose weight I have picked up some healthy behaviors and some destructive behaviors.

All in all, I do have my shit figured out, it just looks different than I thought it would when I was younger. 

I have a job that I love, I spend my time reading about issues I care about, I have an amazing fiance that I am excited to start a family with, and I have my whole life ahead of me. I have yet to figure out the how-to-eat-without-dieting thing, but I am working on it. I do know that being obsessed with my weight has not improved my physical health and definitely has negatively impacted my mental health.


I do know trying to lose 30 pounds before my wedding will not help improve my ability to accept my body or improve my health. 

In case you are still a little confused, here is a recap: 

• No, I am not dieting for my wedding. 
• Yes, my body could change, but that is part of my current journey to find a weight I can maintain without dieting. 
• No, you are never allowed to comment on my body or my physical activity/eating habits, even if you think what you are saying is a compliment. It is not a compliment, by the way. 
• Yes, health promotion is still an important aspect of my personal and professional life. I have just learned that promoting health looks different than I originally thought and a healthy me might look different than I originally though. 
• No, I have not yet learned how to eat without dieting, and accept my body, but I do now those two goals are what will lead to improved health, and happiness in my life - not dieting/weight loss. 

Phew, that feels good to get off my chest! 

Pre-pre-training plan!

Girl has to start somewhere – and somewhere for me is the pre-pre-training plan! I went a little crazy one morning and cranked out a training plan! Here is the first 11 weeks of training that will prepare me for a half marathon training plan.

Week	Mon	Tue	Wed	Thu	Fri	Sat	Sun
1	Stretch  Strengthen	1.5 m run	1 m run or cross	1.5 m run + strength	Rest	20 min cross	1.5 m run
2	Stretch Strengthen	1.5 m run	1 m run or cross	1.5 m run + strength	Rest	20 min cross	2 m run
3	Stretch Strengthen	1.5 m run	1.5 m run or cross	2 m run + strength	Rest	20 min cross	2 m run
4	Stretch  Strengthen	2 m run	1.5 m run or cross	2 m run + strength	Rest	20 min cross	2 m run
5	Stretch  Strengthen	2 m run	1.5 m run or cross	2 m run + strength	Rest	25 min cross	3 m run
6	Stretch  Strengthen	2 m run	2 m run or cross	2.5 m run + strength	Rest	25 min cross	3 m run
7	Stretch  Strengthen	2.5 m run	2 m run or cross	2.5 m run + strength	Rest	25 min cross	3 m run
8	Stretch Strengthen	2.5 m run	2 m run or cross	2.5 m run + strength	Rest	25 min cross	3.5 m run
9	Stretch  Strengthen	2.5 m run	2 m run or cross	3 m run + strength	Rest	30 min cross	3.5 m run
10	Stretch  Strengthen	3 m run	2 m run or cross	3 m run + strength	Rest	30 min cross	3.5 m run
11	Stretch  Strengthen	3 m run	2 m run or cross	3 m run + strength	Rest	30 min cross	4 m run

Very exciting, huh? This is adapted from Hal Higdon's plans. If you are a runner, I am sure you know of Hal! Hell, if you even thought about running enough to google couch to 5k, you probably know Hal!


Anyways, I thought a new running blog project would fun to track my training progress. You might be wondering – Ashley – what are you training for?


When I put together my plan I had a half and full marathon in mind. I now realize I have another commitment the day of the full I planned, so I am going to have to go back to the drawing board on that one. Regardless, the half I had planned is the Rite Aide Cleveland Half Marathon. I had done this distance before, I live in Cleveland, and I need a new fitness goal – low and behold my decision to train for this race. Simple, no?


Anyways, I thought it would be fun to recap on my training. Here is week one!

WEEK ONE: getting into the groove!

Monday – Stretch and strength
Wasn’t sure what to do, so basically layed aorund my floor stretching things out. I realized stretch and strength is code for yoga, which I plan to do from now on on these days.


Tuesday – 1.5 mi
Just a usual run, and it felt pretty good! This was my first run from work, and shower at work. I think I was more excited about the shower than the run.


Wednesday – 20 min kickboxing
… or in other words, searching clips of turbokick on YouTube and jumping around my office. Standard cross training.


Thursday – rest
Nuff said.


Friday – 1.5 mi run and DANCING
Felt good to get out and move on my run. I really got my workout that night at the halloween dance. I have the blisters to prove it.


Saturday – 30 minute elliptical and weights
Food network and weights more like it.


Sunday – 1.5 mi run
This was my easiest feeling 1.5 miler yet! I am excited to bring it up to 2 miles next week!

Out of my hands, off my shoulders

My biggest ah-ha moments tend to be after/during exercise. Maybe it is the lack of oxygen to my brain or something, but for whatever reason, when my body starts moving, so do the gear upstairs.

Point being – had an ah-ha moment today while working out. I started my evening with a little ashley-robics. I hope you don’t think I just made Ashley-robics up. They are in fact real, and I do them quite often.
Anyways, after jumping around my room for a little while I decided to cool down outside and headed outside for a walk. It rained a lot today, so everything looked glassy, with a blue and black tint. Kind of like in those film noir movies, when you see the lead character walking down the street alone at night.
In that moment, while walking around feeling my heartbeat slow down, I appreciated that while my exercise method of unconventional, it was effective. This made me think about another forms of exercise I love – running.
I love running, but there is something deeply competitive about it. Each time I set out for a run I am hoping it will be “good.” I guess good means fast, and pain free. A lot of runs aren’t good. My chest feels tight, my feet hurt, or something else in my body isn’t working right. In all of this I feel guilty.
I guess I never realized I felt guilty about my bad runs. This guilt comes from the fact I have a strong belief that I have control over my life. If I study hard, I will get a good grade. If I work hard, I will be able to find a job. If I treat my partner well, our relationship will work. This is all rather “pull yourself up from your boot straps-y” for someone as progressive as I am! I guess I allow other people to have flaws, but not myself.
Anyways, in that moment I realized, Ashley, you aren’t always in control, and therefore, you aren’t always to blame for mishaps.
For some people this revelations might feel like, well duh, but for me its huge. I have spent far too long worrying about what I did wrong. Somethings are out of my control, and all I can do is my best.
Maybe that pill I easier for other to swallow, but for me, it took an post-dancing sweaty haze to get it. A little Adele in the background helped too.

Jog dancing

This is what happens when I go for a run.

First I get all jog attired out. You know, sports bra made of steel, spandex all over, and way to expensive shoes. I make sure I have my key, put some rocking tunes on my iPod and then open up the old air ways. Thank goodness of inhalers! This is what the “making-sure-I-care-breath” part of the process looks like.

OK good, lungs work. Also note the misplacement of my broken eyeball. How glorious.

Now most of the time I just run. You know, the typical one leg in front of the other thing. Other times jog dancing happens. There are no words to explain jog dance. Just watch.

Dance jogging as performed by Chowey

What I love about out of shape running

I am really out of shape. That is not some self hating criticism – it’s fact. I took about 2 months off from exercise during the crisis which was graduating from school. I just went for a run and it was rough, but good.

Also note – with out these people I would never exercise.

 

(source, source, source, source)

The run tonight reminded me why I love out of shape running.

Perspective on mileage

When you are training for a big race, the mileage gets high. I half trained for a full marathon, and completed one half marathon. I was running 20-30 miles a week while training for those races. While training you lose perspective on how much you are really running. I remember feeling complete defeated because I cut an 11 mile run short and only ran 7 miles. I felt bad because I could only run 7 miles? Yeah, that’s messed up. Starting back at square one makes you proud of what you did than, and proud of the little you can do now.

Respect for the fitness I once had

Also while training, or just when in really good shape, I never really understand how fit I am. There was a time in grad school I was teaching abs, Pilates, and yoga, strength training pretty intensely 3-4 times a week and running 15-20 miles a week. Whoa, I was like beast woman, but at the time I didn’t appreciate it. Being out of shape gives me perspective on what it means to be fit, and I take that perspective with me as my body does begin to change.

life isn't over if I lose fitness

When I am really fit I think, oh, I will NEVER be out of shape again. Ha, I laugh at that statement! Life is full of unknown challenges that can make it difficult to stay fit. Yes fit people, there might be a time you are injured, or busy doing other things. Yes, there are other things to life than fitness. The best thing about running is even when I leave it for a while, it is always right there for me to return to. After committing for a few weeks consistently the fitness comes back. Its not like magic, it all makes a lot of sense.

Remembering what is all about

When I am out of shape I don’t map my routes, monitor my pace, or set mileage or time goals – I just run. I focus on moving my legs, and finishing. A lot of this is freeing, knowing that my only goal is to not face plant. It reminds me why I love to run. it makes me happy to just move my body, listen to music and let my mind slip away. This time is just for me, no one else. It is great to feel this reconnection to the sport I love.

All in all today’s run was rough, but it was relaxing and motivating. What more can I ask for right?

Time for grad school recovery

The last few months have been all consumed by grad school. During that whole process I felt  like this:

And I had to see things like this, which I hoped to never see again.

Oh silly pre-grad school Ashley would probably see that stack of books and think, oh wow cool! I want to learn those things! Post-grad school Ashley mainly thinks, OMG vomit, get those out of my face.

Anyways as of yesterday all my paper work has been turned in and signed. I am done. D-O-N-E baby, yeah! Now I feel like this:

If you are wondering, yes that is my computer mouse in my hand. I am sure there is some fancy way to time photos with my webcam but I haven’t figured it out yet.

Please, stare at those for a long time. They get better the more you look at them.

Now that I am done with grad school I am left with the sad sack of human that was chewed up and spit out by the fine institution I attended. Needless to say during the process of …

• Getting a new job
• Fighting the federal government trying to take away healthcare from women
• getting another new job
• conducting and analyzing research data
• writing my culminating
• writing my culminating again after getting it chewed up and spit back in my face by again that fine institution I attended
• Doing other weird things – lobbying, testifying and so on

… there was little self care. I went from a 85% vegan to a 100% pizza, fast food and whatever else was cheap and would fit into my mouth kind of eater. I also went from 8 weeks into a marathon training plan to absolutely no exercise.

Correct, NONE. That is pretty impressive really.

Now it is time to pick up the pieces and make my next moves when it comes to self care. During this whole process I learned a lot. I have changed my views about healthy living, well really living in general, and thus also what the purpose of this blog will be.

I am off for a run to try to get myself back into some regular fitness schedule. Look forward to more posts about my adventures in trying to figure out how to live like a human being again.

And now your moment of Zen, a sparkly GIF in honor of my shiny new degree. PS – nothing says higher education like sparkly GIFs!

(source )

Picking up the pace

I just had a great work out! I ran, and I ran fast! Who would have thought running fast could be, dare I say it, fun?!

For me, running has been a leisurely thing. Even when I was training for a half marathon, my runs consisted of me just going out and running. There were no speed training, tempo runs, or anything like that, instead just me trotting along. I never pushed myself, for the fear that putting to much pressure on myself would take the fun out of running.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes my body wants a nice slow chill run, usually with a little Ben Folds or Weezer in the background. I realized today though, sometimes the body wants speed, too!

(source)

I am going to give myself a mini goal during this training season to add a little speed work into my training. When I say speed work, I use the term quite loosely. At the most I might through in some intervals or fartleks.

Ha, fatleks.

Anyways, I am excited to add this new aspect to my training. Besides it giving me an added challenge during training, it also keeps things from getting boring. Especially when running inside, its nice to break up a run into intervals. Sometimes 3 miles on a treadmill can feel like you are running across the whole United States.

Forest Gump, he did not run on treadmills.

Anyways, its late and I have my LAST DAY OF WORK TOMORROW.

 

So excited!

Also, here is your moment of Zen:

Late addition – here is a great post from one of my favorite blogging runners on getting faster.

The packing begins!

After piling all my belongings in the living room I decided it was about time I left home. First I went and got some boxes from Staples, and then headed to campus to do some printing/work. This is what I found.

   

Sh! Ohio State is sleeping! All the student are gone, and the snow cover added another layer of quite to the place. I headed to the PHIL lab, for one of the last times ever! It still feels strange that I am done with classes.

 

When I was finished printing (and talking to Amanda) I started my packing! I went from this (left) to this (right)!

  

Ok it doesn’t look like a lot is done, but trust me, for just a few minutes I really made a dent. Also note, among the packing boxes is a box full of condoms. Typical Ashley.

      

Look who helped! Beanie hedgie and Totoro were really the ones in charge here. Totoro also happens to be Kevin’s biggest fan.

To top of my day I got in my 2 mile run, bringing me to 13 miles total. Oh my god, that is only HALF of a marathon. Oh well, that is what training is all about, building that mileage base!

Night!

Long time, no blog

It feels like forever since my last blog! Well here is a little recap of my life.

These past few months of life has been school, election, and driving back and forth to Cleveland. I found myself phone banking, organizing my first phone bank in Bowling Green, and helping with the One Bowling Green campaign. We lost, we won, but I found myself in some funny places along the way.

I had a second home with some friends at BGSU. They like puzzles. There is a very important dance that happens when a piece is found. I also found myself wandering near Kevin’s old apartment. Ah yes, fond memories!

This fall had a lot of car disasters as well. First, someone decided to randomly back up into my car then drive off, not cool. Second, I was harmlessly driving back to Columbus from Cleveland and the rubber on my tire just fell off. I was driving along, heard a weird sound, looked back, and saw the remains of my tire roll down a hill. What is my life? I missed class, and had to turn in my paper late. I got an A still, so take that karma!

  

Speaking of school, I spent a lot of time doing this.

This is me studying environmental health at the law library. I think when people saw me making millions billions of note cards about asbestos they were confused. I am not officially done with ALL my classes and practicum for graduate school! Now all I have left is my culminating project. For that I am working with a research at Kent State to write a funding proposal for a survey project. I am really excited about the project and will write more about it later.

Also, I got a new job as a School Health Educator with Planned Parenthood Northeast Ohio! I am so excited to be educating and working with young people. I love young people, check it out here.

With school done and a new job starting in a few weeks, I am working on getting my hours finished at my current job. Therefore, I am on the road again checking posters. Sometimes I run into posters that are NOT public health, such as the one on the left.

  

I haven’t had much time for cooking these days but I have learned a few things. Below is my ode to squash. I love squash and can’t wait to learn how to do more with it. On the left we got acorn squash, and on the right spaghetti squash with a little tomato sauce mixed it. It is WONDERFUL.

 

Here is some other nom noms I have been digging. Grilled pepper and hummus on toast and rice, tomato and chickpea bowl. YUM!

    

I have been doing some more research on vegan lifestyles and marathon running.

 

Marathon training has been going great so far. This is the first week I really feel like a runner again! I ran 2 miles yesterday with a 9.52 min/mi pace, with is basically LIGHTINING SPEED for me. I was way impressed.
That is my update so far! The next month will be CRAZY and can’t wait to fill you in on all the fun. Here are just a few of the up coming events …

• New job
• Moving
• Xmas
• Wedding!
• FRIENDS from across the states and world reunited!

Yeah, I am really excited for December! Before the fun starts I got to get through this move and finish my Columbus. This is my mantra … YOU CAN DO IT!