What I love about out of shape running

I am really out of shape. That is not some self hating criticism – it’s fact. I took about 2 months off from exercise during the crisis which was graduating from school. I just went for a run and it was rough, but good.

Also note – with out these people I would never exercise.

 

(source, source, source, source)

The run tonight reminded me why I love out of shape running.

Perspective on mileage

When you are training for a big race, the mileage gets high. I half trained for a full marathon, and completed one half marathon. I was running 20-30 miles a week while training for those races. While training you lose perspective on how much you are really running. I remember feeling complete defeated because I cut an 11 mile run short and only ran 7 miles. I felt bad because I could only run 7 miles? Yeah, that’s messed up. Starting back at square one makes you proud of what you did than, and proud of the little you can do now.

Respect for the fitness I once had

Also while training, or just when in really good shape, I never really understand how fit I am. There was a time in grad school I was teaching abs, Pilates, and yoga, strength training pretty intensely 3-4 times a week and running 15-20 miles a week. Whoa, I was like beast woman, but at the time I didn’t appreciate it. Being out of shape gives me perspective on what it means to be fit, and I take that perspective with me as my body does begin to change.

life isn't over if I lose fitness

When I am really fit I think, oh, I will NEVER be out of shape again. Ha, I laugh at that statement! Life is full of unknown challenges that can make it difficult to stay fit. Yes fit people, there might be a time you are injured, or busy doing other things. Yes, there are other things to life than fitness. The best thing about running is even when I leave it for a while, it is always right there for me to return to. After committing for a few weeks consistently the fitness comes back. Its not like magic, it all makes a lot of sense.

Remembering what is all about

When I am out of shape I don’t map my routes, monitor my pace, or set mileage or time goals – I just run. I focus on moving my legs, and finishing. A lot of this is freeing, knowing that my only goal is to not face plant. It reminds me why I love to run. it makes me happy to just move my body, listen to music and let my mind slip away. This time is just for me, no one else. It is great to feel this reconnection to the sport I love.

All in all today’s run was rough, but it was relaxing and motivating. What more can I ask for right?

Time for grad school recovery

The last few months have been all consumed by grad school. During that whole process I felt  like this:

And I had to see things like this, which I hoped to never see again.

Oh silly pre-grad school Ashley would probably see that stack of books and think, oh wow cool! I want to learn those things! Post-grad school Ashley mainly thinks, OMG vomit, get those out of my face.

Anyways as of yesterday all my paper work has been turned in and signed. I am done. D-O-N-E baby, yeah! Now I feel like this:

If you are wondering, yes that is my computer mouse in my hand. I am sure there is some fancy way to time photos with my webcam but I haven’t figured it out yet.

Please, stare at those for a long time. They get better the more you look at them.

Now that I am done with grad school I am left with the sad sack of human that was chewed up and spit out by the fine institution I attended. Needless to say during the process of …

• Getting a new job
• Fighting the federal government trying to take away healthcare from women
• getting another new job
• conducting and analyzing research data
• writing my culminating
• writing my culminating again after getting it chewed up and spit back in my face by again that fine institution I attended
• Doing other weird things – lobbying, testifying and so on

… there was little self care. I went from a 85% vegan to a 100% pizza, fast food and whatever else was cheap and would fit into my mouth kind of eater. I also went from 8 weeks into a marathon training plan to absolutely no exercise.

Correct, NONE. That is pretty impressive really.

Now it is time to pick up the pieces and make my next moves when it comes to self care. During this whole process I learned a lot. I have changed my views about healthy living, well really living in general, and thus also what the purpose of this blog will be.

I am off for a run to try to get myself back into some regular fitness schedule. Look forward to more posts about my adventures in trying to figure out how to live like a human being again.

And now your moment of Zen, a sparkly GIF in honor of my shiny new degree. PS – nothing says higher education like sparkly GIFs!

(source )

Culmination

Tomorrow I am presenting my culminating project. During the past two years so much has changed, so much has developed.

I am excited to open the next chapter, and begin using this blog to further grow and explore topics I am passionate about. Stay tuned, things are about to get for real.

Poem Alert: Keep Going

complex, tired, pushing, searching

I am complex, and have many dimensions to my wholeness

I am tired from the heartbreak of a world unfair

I push each day to make the world better

constantly searching for truth

to be whole is to be complex

to be whole is to be tired

to be whole you have to wake up each day fighting – pushing, searching

I might not care about whether there is a god, or is not a god

but I am for damn sure – I have faith, in the beauty and possibilities of the world we live in.

What to Blog about

Since sometime last year I have wanted to start a blog. I follow a lot of other blogs and hoped to emulate them. My blogging attempts have taken on several forms, but there were two main directions I saw my blog going – body image/fitness/nutrition and/or social justice.

I felt like I had to pick one. I didn’t know how.

Part of me feels like talking about my body image issues, challenges to living a healthy life, and the such is too frivolous. Who really cares about that stuff besides me. I guess the fact that I am the only person who would care about those things was exactly the problem. The premise was self-centered. That made me feel guilt, to be so self-indulgent. I also felt guilt because these problems seemed shallow and show in some way I am a weak person.

The places where we are weak, are also the places that make us human. Maybe it is nice to have those weakness. Also I find that when I feel guilty, it usually means I should give myself a break. Self-indulgence isn’t completely wrong, maybe just in excess.
I blog a lot about sexual health, culture, LGBT issues, and so on over at Amplify Your Voice. That blog felt more like my “work” as an Ohio Advocate. It felt wrong to blend something that was more part of my professional life with parts of my personal, very personal, life.

So what should I do?

I think the reason why I had a hard time piecing these two things apart is because they are both so deeply part of me, it is hard to see where one starts and the other begins. They are both me, and I want this blog to be genuine, so I guess all of me is the answer.

When you read about starting a blog they tell you to have a focus, a main topic. Think of your topic and your audience then write. They tell you to do lots of other things to.

I guess my topic is Ashley, and all the disconnected things that entails (training for races, constantly going to school, politics, sex education, unhealthy habits, culture, feminism (and other isms), healthy habits, worries about growing up etc …)

I guess my blog will appeal to runner-activist-health educators-feminist-20 somethings. Maybe not a huge net to cast, but oh well. In the end, this blog is for me, if others read and get something out of it, bonus. Just a little self-indulgence to help a giver feel refreshed is surely a good thing.

The Arc of the Universe

from here.

“I must confess, my friends, the road ahead will not always be smooth. There will be still rocky places of frustration and meandering points of bewilderment. There will be inevitable setbacks here and there. There will be those moments when the buoyancy of hope will be transformed into the fatigue of despair. Our dreams will sometimes be shattered and our ethereal hopes blasted. We may again with tear-drenched eyes have to stand before the bier of some courageous civil rights worker whose life will be snuffed out by the dastardly acts of bloodthirsty mobs. Difficult and painful as it is, we must walk on in the days ahead with an audacious faith in the future. ... When our days become dreary with low-hovering clouds of despair, and when our nights become darker than a thousand midnights, let us remember that there is a creative force in this universe, working to pull down the gigantic mountains of evil, a power that is able to make a way out of no way and transform dark yesterdays into bright tomorrows. Let us realize the arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward justice.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

I am Still Alive

This has been a WEIRD year. 2011, what are you? Blogging is something that I WILL return to, once I am done with graduate school and have ensure Planned Parenthood is safe.

Until then, talk later gater, and follow my more reproductive justice/activist blog here.